Why Distance Is the Secret Ingredient to Deeper Friendships

Starting college as a freshman often comes with a big change: staying away from home for the first time. Sure, maybe you’ve gone on trips without your family before, or taken vacations that kept you away from your house. This time, however, it’s different. This isn’t just a few days away; it’s a whole new chapter. And suddenly, “home” isn’t just a place. It becomes an institution of comfort, care, and connection.

Like many students, beginning college meant leaving behind your town, city, family, friends, and everything else that was part of your daily life. At first, it can feel like something’s missing. A sort of emotional withdrawal. Although, over time, that feeling often turns into a new kind of appreciation. You start to really value the people you miss. For this reason, I found myself writing letters to people as if I were a yearning man fighting a belligerent war in another country while my wife is at home with the kids.

Even the small interactions start to feel more meaningful and become much more deliberate. A message, a meme, a reel, a “hey, this reminded me of you,” all of these things carry much more weight now. What used to be somewhat random interactions are now intentional. It’s a way of expressing that we are still there for our friends back home, and we still care for them.

Also, there’s something really human about missing someone. It makes us think about what we truly value in our friendships, and just how important family is. It also forces us to appreciate all that we took for granted when we were in close proximity with our companions.

Now, even silly inside jokes or sharing/receiving pieces of advice become precious moments since we can no longer have them every day. Unless of course, you make time for them—which is very important.

Also, technology plays a huge role here. The number of meaningful conversations I have with friends has increased, and it’s other things such as “just checking in” or virtual plans like gaming or watching a show together. Distance forces us to get creative with how we stay connected. You may find yourself expressing your love in ways you may not have thought about before.

Additionally, when you finally get to reunite with your friends, the connection oftentimes feels deeper. The fact that the friendship survived long distance despite the both of you changing and having new experiences during the time apart adds layers to the relationship that may have never formed had you stayed side-by-side with your friend.

So, if you are a freshman reading this, or even an upperclassman feeling the weight of being many miles away from everything and everyone you love, do not perceive the distance as a barrier. On the contrary, view it as a special type of closeness, intimacy, if you may. It is a friendship stretching across great distances, held together by something greater: intention, trust, and love.

While distance alters the ways in which we connect, it does not have to change the depth of our relationships. In truth, it can actually make us more intentional and grateful. Truly, it is the effort you put in and simply just showing up that keeps you close with another person, no matter the physical distance between you and them.

Cover image by Aldo Murillo on iStock