An Introvert's Insight on Making Friends in College

Dear readers, what was your vision of college? Did you think you will make a lot of great friends, or meet your extraordinary life long partner? Or that maybe you wouldn’t care about either of those because you’d be so very locked in on your education? If that’s the case, props to you. I, however, figured I would be so amazing that I would attract all the cool people within a 5-mile radius simply with my aura alone. 

Unfortunately, that was not my reality.

I thought that making friends in college would be easy. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve met many wonderful people who are a joy to be around, but what I’m talking about are the friendships that go beyond the classroom setting, the ones that are a source of happiness and comfort, and can elevate you to become your best self. Although even regular friendships are nice as long as they’re not mentally tiring, I wanted those deep, unconditional friendships that fill you up with energy and life. 

But I’ve found that what starts as a regular friendship can develop into something stronger. Who knows? That one person you met at a book club may become your best friend in the coming months.

And so, here’s a quick guide to make meaningful friendships:

1. Talk, really talk, to people in your class. This may sound difficult if you are used to waiting for people to approach you first, or if you tend to avoid social interactions in general, but not only does it present you with an opportunity to form some really great bonds, you may also find someone to study with. This can really be beneficial when there’s upcoming exams or projects in those classes. 

2. Go out more. I may sound like your mom, but I mean it! You don’t have to go to parties or anything, but make an attempt to leave your comfort zone to connect with others. For the fellow introverts reading this: you can attend student clubs, join niche group chats, volunteer, etc.! For instance, since parties and loud places are decidedly not up my ally, I like to volunteer, and attend club meetings in spaces that are a lot smaller, and where I can find people who carry similar beliefs/interests. 

3. Recognize that your goal should not be to seek the pleasure of the people around you if that means draining your social battery or changing who you are. Rather, your goal should be to connect with someone who will appreciate who you are already. So, don’t overdo it. Just be yourself. Of course, you may want to peek out of your shell to participate more in activities and in environments you usually are not active in, but as a result, you may discover new aspects of yourself! Just remember to be true to who you are. (Otherwise, you may end up becoming friends with someone that isn’t compatible with you, since the person they think you are isn't you!)

4. Make constant and consistent efforts. Plan hangouts, text, call, or contact the person in some way. By putting in the effort you are showing them that you care about them, and enjoy being in their presence. And if they are not reciprocating in any way, then maybe reassess the situation and examine whether or not it’s worth still putting in as much effort. Just remember, no one person is the same, and everyone opens up at different paces. 

The realization that I am in a whole new environment hit real hard in the first two weeks of college. I was used to the comfort and security of my friend group whom I had since middle school and forgot about the time it had taken to form those companionships. But all of this is to say: you’re not alone. Most of us need time to marinate in what feels like a new world (that is to say, college), and I am still trying to figure everything out myself, but I wanted to share those few strategies, tips, and advice that I used to make friends.

Cultivating good friendships certainly is a process. Sometimes it may feel like you are auditioning to be part of a group project that never ends, but don’t let that discourage you. The people who you truly connect with may not show up in your first semester, or even in your first year, but if you continue trying, you may just find your people.

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